I used to be a thin person in a fat person's body... Now I'm a not so fat person fighting the fatty inside!

My blog posts are my thoughts and feelings in the ongoing struggle to maintain an arse that fits in a size 12 pair of jeans.

Friday, 3 June 2011

Back on track :)

Hello bloggers :)

I've been rather absent recently - I've been struggling with life, maintenance and exercise - finding the balance after leaving home has been hard.

But, I think I might be getting somewhere now. Thank goodness for exams.

Don't look at me like I'm a bit mental - there's method in the madness! I've got exams next week for the qualifications I'm taking through work and I've had this week off work and have next week too. And I'm back on "vintage" points. I struggled with ProPoints - mainly because I don't really struggle with binging or letting one slip knock me off balance - I know that an hour in the gym or running will generally fix the mistake if it's kept under control. I can totally appreciate that for those people that struggle with exactly these diet problems will do fantastically on ProPoints, but for me simplicity may well be the key.

After 4 days on VP the scales are treating me well (I know I shouldn't get on there every day but at the moment it's a good motivator!) and I've high hopes for weigh in next week. With only 6lb to shift to get back to my ideal weight I've got my fingers crossed it'll only take 3 or 4 weeks! And as I've not been at work fitting the exercise in has been blissfully easy again - it's the only thing I miss about being a student!

On that note, I tried to embrace the phenomenon of morning running today. I dragged myself out of bed at 6:25am, and out of the house at 7am after snaffling a banana. At approximately 7:06am I wished I hadn't bothered. And by 8am I was ready to crash. I managed 4.7 miles (not an achievement!) in an hour (very slow) but I did it and earned some nice shiny bonus points which I'll be taking to the coffee shop with me later!

Another, somewhat related, advance is that I've signed up to run the Chippenham Half Marathon on 11 September. I can currently  run 7 miles. It's 13 for the half. And I've got... 14 weeks til the big day. So that's fine. 8 miles is the target for next weekend I think.

So there we go. That's me at the moment! Still here, still maintaining (or thereabouts!) and still looking for ways to get rid of those flipping wobbly bits!!

Although, for anyone in the same situation as me - 1 year on the wobbly bits are less wobbly, my skin is looking better and my tummy has improved from needing to be tucked in to now just resembling a bit of a paunch! This is an improvement, believe me! I have high hopes that in a couple of years I'll have a body resembling some famous fabulous woman, but for now I'll be wobbling round the streets in the pursuit of the perfect bum and washboard abs!

Keep smiling :)

Sunday, 27 March 2011

A little reminder of how far I've come - and how hard we all find it sometimes.

Today my Mum and Dad popped round and my Mum brought a photo of me and her from a few years ago. Her exact words... "I've found a photo that will make you cringe!!" Yeah, it was that bad.

I've just been on the WW boards having a little look round and saw a post which said "I'm ready to be thin now".

I remember saying that too.

"I've tried so hard, for such a long time, so why aren't I thin yet?"

If you've read my biog on here then you'll know it took me two long years to reach goal (after years of failed attempts before) and I never thought I'd get there. No one thought I'd get there to be honest. Both John and my Mum have admitted they never really thought I'd do it. But then why would they? I'd failed so many times before. If I thought about getting to goal myself I didn't really think I'd get that far. I dealt with it one step at a time - a stone or half a stone as a target - because if I'd have thought about it as 4 and a half stone from the beginning it would have seemed completely unachievable.

So now I wish there was some way to show everyone struggling why they should keep going, keep fighting and get where they want to be. There's no way to put into words how much losing the weight changed me. It was like I was locked inside myself because of my size - without any confidence and always wishing to be someone else. Every morning I wake up and can't feel that fog of sadness around me anymore I am grateful.

I know not everyone feels this way about themselves, but I want anyone that does to know that if your weight is the reason then you can find the strength to change yourself. I really hope I don't sound patronising - I'm basing this on the way I felt at my heaviest and so many times when I just wanted to give up and comfort eat it all away.

Please don't give up. The hardest thing is to keep going, but if you can be strong and achieve your goal it could change your life in more ways than you'd ever expect.

Keep smiling :)


Wednesday, 23 March 2011

ProPoints - the new frontier!

This is Day 4 of ProPoints and so far so good :)

Went back to weigh in last night and am an expected 7.5lb above the weight I would like to be. I am, luckily, still within those lovely 5lb above goal so am technically still gold, but as I like to be weighing a little less than goal I wasn't best pleased.

My saving graces so far have been Options hot chocolate at 1 point a go and which I always keep a sachet of in my handbag, and carrying fruit around with me everywhere for sudden attacks of the munchies has also been useful!

First couple of days were super difficult but today has been the easiest day so far and I'm hoping the trend will continue! I remember the first couple of days were always the hardest, even after a minor slip off plan, so I wasn't expecting things to be easy. I am glad it's not so difficult today though!

Cooked a yummy recipe last night that was shared on the WW forums - stuffed butternut squash. With Quorn mince instead of meat I made it just 2 points a serving! Brilliant as I'd been out for lunch with work and used 14 points on a Leggera pizza at Pizza Express - the seriously yummy prawn one!

So, top tip for today - Options hot chocolate! When the sugar cravings hit break out one of those! It's hot so it takes a while to drink which keeps you busy, and they actually taste chocolatey - something an apple simply cannot achieve!

Good luck to anyone pointing too - just remember, the sun is out but, if we are good little Weight Watchers, the muffin top needn't be!! :)

Monday, 21 March 2011

Bad, bad blogger!

Hello there girls and boys!

Ok, I'm sorry. I've been a rubbish blogger since the festivities of December distracted me from blogging and lured me into a vortex of chocolate and cake!

But, I am back! A nasty shock on the scales this weekend has well and truly kicked me up the preverbial and I am ready to take control again. Christmas, moving house and two indulgent weeks on a residential training course with endless cakes and biscuits has done half a stone of damage and if I don't shift them now I'm sure I'll end up piling a few more pounds back on too.

And I'm not prepared to let that happen!

So, ProPoints... hello! I started on the ProPoints plan yesterday and am going back to weigh in tomorrow evening to make sure I do this. The aim is 7lb in 5 weeks - oh, how simple, I hear you cry! Let's not speak too soon, I am, after all, a recovering chocoholic. Just because there are only measured amounts of chocolate in my cupboard it doesn't mean I won't black out whilst in the queue at Tesco and accidentally purchase a family size bag of Malteasers!

Already I'm finding it hard to stick to 29pps a day. Yesterday I did Combat and earned 9pps (really earned them - new Combat tracks = HARD!) and ate thre2 of those in addition to the 29 daily pps. Today I think I will also be two or three pps over, but then again three is better than 30. Must keep these things in perspective.

Finally, I will NOT, repeat... WILL NOT... let this rule my life. I will learn to make those better decisions a bit more often again, and I will get back to where I want to be. Then I will eat normally. I must resign myself to the fact that I have a somewhat obsessive personality and leave it at that! :)

On that note... here we go again! Let's hope I've got some tips and good news soon!